Generalization…of opinion

Man has the talent to invent problems for himself, ignoring the truly existing ones; perhaps out of his incapacity, perhaps out of his indifference, perhaps out of his impotence, physical, mental, spiritual. But he continues to deny them whereas in the mirror, he sees himself above other beings. In essence, the man has not yet proved to be more evolved than all other creatures; on the contrary, he showed that by using only his abilities and ignoring his potential, that he always invokes emphatically as a fact of differentiation, he cannot understand but a fraction of the meaning and the order of life. He remained, practically, the same. His progress is only technological, which had allowed him to do what he always did, only faster and more efficiently. Small differences won’t help him evolve on the ladder of civilization, least of all the exceptional moments and fellow men from past centuries Limited by his own decisions, he will always cling to matter and to what already exists or has been defined somehow by others and by fore-times. Not even the short bouts of evolution of others will not satisfy him, as he does not understand them. What will not be found within his limited circle will be, unquestionably, categorized as abnormal. And what will prove contrary to the rules he adopted from others, perhaps too easily, will have no right to exist. In his world that he finds disconnected from the ones of plants and animals, he sees himself as intelligent just by the mere fact that he is human. The architectural complexity of his world, with everything it embeds, is the satis and ex facto proof of human superiority. Simplicity of the other worlds comes to reinforce the superior status of the individual. But the very fact that man chooses and continues to compare himself to animals when it comes to establish his intelligence and superiority, this itself reveals nonsense, inner fears and frustrations. To actually prove yourself, better, smarter, more intelligent than someone else, you must compare yourself to those from the same category. Or, if one has none to compare to, does not, automatically, mean one is better. One simply exists.

Man does not understand because he rejects, a primum, what is different. He rejects because he refuses to think since it is convenient for him. Thus, he prefers to cling to others' opinions, opinions that he looks upon as universal laws, without ever contesting them. Even proven altered or inappropriate he still denies them, because accepting them would require an effort that he is not capable of. The very diversity among peers scares him. Because it is not his own and because, not long after he is born, he quickly endorses the idea that he is superior. Above everything and everyone, therefore, destroying any chance of genuine evolution. For that matter, neither desired. He wants to have, not to be or know. And refraining his potential, the man commits, without realizing, a suicide. Towards which he runs all his life. Even then, in those last moments, he will see himself superior. Man is but superior as much as he is immortal. Baleful, too baleful deeming his potential.

Hate you

I hate when you talk,

I hate when you walk,

I hate what you do,

I, simply, hate…you.

With no reason.

From the Unfathomable Self

Cut-off.

Look at the endless water in front of you. Still water. Riveted. Like silence before wildness, the surface is unstirred, till, from the depth, it comes and convulse your entire being; everything that you thought to be an ordinary peace is shattered and mixed up again in an uncontrollable convulsion. It hearts your heart, it breaks your soul, it kills your mind. And you can touch the pain in your chest. It is there. Dormant all these past years, it is now awake and moving. It is alive.

You are alive.

Like seizures, it comes and go, in waves; sometimes you manage to keep your head above the water, some other times you succeed in re-emerge and in some cases part of it never comes back. But every time you drown and, to be honest, it never goes away completely. You wish to drown for good or kill it all, but you tell yourself <if I drown I'll be medically insane and if I erase it all I would be spiritually dead>. So do you let it out?

Addiction. Nightmare. Obsession. Are you an obsessive? Am I one?

Mistaking it for an obsession, you psychologically wound yourself in a battle which is nothing less than a puzzle solving of your own self. An idea or a chemical reaction that triggers your mind? Where does all these sudden obsessions come from? How sick are you?

It is said that what you think defines you. That does not scare me; the fact that I am stuck in the middle of antagonistic feelings that I might not ever fall into place and antithetical worlds scares me. The fact I might imagine all terrifies me.

Blame. Control

You blame that fragile, weak mind of yours and become your greatest and most aggressive critic of yourself. You have lost the control. Because for you it is about control. And improving, and evolution. And creation. Though it may not be the case, you still feel like standing, waiting for something you cannot even name. You falter. You suffocate. You gasp for breath. And desperately try to respire.

Personal toxic air.

But it is toxic air, just enough to keep you on going to the next round. Then it starts all over again. When you said you won the fight, another battle comes: new weapons, different obsession, same enemy: your inner self.

Try breathing smoke. Or, being romantic, try look into the eyes of someone you love or admire and increase that feeling by one hundred. It makes you dizzy. It is like taking in too much air. You do need it, but still makes you suffer. Side effects.

And all that endless still water starts to boil and waves cry out. The process never ends as an underground river powers the entire water. As nature destroys itself and rebuilds itself, you are, theoretical, born to do the same. But you are more prone to fail because of the world we had created. Or, maybe, within the darkest corners of our mind, you find ourselves disordered.

I found out it is not about the two sides: sky and earth, night and day, good and bad, sun and moon, female and male, this and that; I do not have to chose between all of that. I can have it all. It is a matter of how you deal with who you are.

"Got to be who you are in this world" (Denzel Washington on The Equalizer).

Just a question of defining who you are. When I look at me, what do I see?

Breach. Dissociation. Balance

"(...) the division between illusion and reality is one to make (...) I think it says more about lack of knowledge of myself, the desire to escape, to flee who I am and not have the responsibility which I believe one has not to let everything go, which is different than accepting who one is and abandoning oneself to life. (...) To have intimate relationships and reconcile all that noise that I have inside myself to some place of connection with being conscious, this is good. I’m learning, I’m stumbling through life like all of us" (Marton Csokas in an interview for offscreen.com).

Loosing balance in life is just a confirmation of your capabilities of feeling. The line that separates the insane from those who won't hurt others or themselves, is what defines your strength. Either is you who saves yourself or someone else, either you show it or not, either you are or not part of the unfortunate ones that their battle never ends, you are. Yes, you simply are. Engineered to function even with errors, you surprise yourself with hope and dreams. An there, inside you, from every beginning to the every end, there are some connections you cannot define but forever linked to; from here you get your energy, your obsessions, your pain. All you need to do is to work with this emerging crawling noise. If there is someone that could fill part of the gap, it is even better. But till then, try not to muddle your water. Either you convulse it at the right time, or you fail.

Despite what others may say or think, it is far worst. It all comes from the unfathomable self.

When you look at me, what do you see?